I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
a search helicopter?!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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