My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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