If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
