if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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