i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize