I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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