I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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