the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
