She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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