She said her name was "party"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize