I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
