grandma shit on top of the toilet
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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