Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
