do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
