I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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