Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize