Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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