Can i not drive my cunt home
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
