Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this boner is exhausting
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
