yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
