sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
