I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
