Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
