I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
