we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
