well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
did i walk over a car last night?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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