I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
