I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
