This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
