I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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