take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
