Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize