Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
