She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
