Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
