I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
