I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
