remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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