he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You made out with two different species that night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
