you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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