dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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