worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
