I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
