she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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