When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize