She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
