I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
