did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
