im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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