only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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