Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
