My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
