hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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