either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
