oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
