I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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