i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
