i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
