i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
