it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
